Checking In

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day – for adoptee, first parent, and adoptive parent alike, a day that stirs up a complex stew of emotions.   It is also, coincidentally, my first mother’s birthday, and with that in mind, I thought it appropriate to share with you a little window into my own story – a portion of the first contact that I had from her, sent June 2, 2006 – shortly after my sister and I found one another.  The subject line of her email…Checking In.

“Now how is that?  Checking in.  Like I have known you all your life.  Knowing maybe not; but you have been with me all your life.  You just didn’t know it.

… I am so thankful to know you are alright and that you have a good life.  When I found out you were going to be born, the most important thing to me was that you had a wonderful, happy childhood, with two parents who would love you as long as they lived.  I knew I would love you always but I didn’t know if I could give you that happy childhood so I did what I thought I could to ensure you what I had always wished I could have.

I remember just like it was yesterday, the day you were born and the 30 minutes they let me hold you before they took you away.  You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  Like a porcelain doll.  Your tiny hands and feet and your angelic face.  You have always been with me…

Receiving that email changed my life, and I  am so grateful to my first mother for her inner strength and her kind heart, both of which I like to believe I inherited.  I share this very private message with you today because I know that it is one silently repeated every Mother’s Day by thousands of birth mothers throughout the world.  “You have always been with me…”

I wish you peace, hope and great love this holiday.

Warmly,

Renee ~ Founder, The White Shield Project

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